Letter Writing Campaign

Me, trying to come up with subjects.

I’ve never been good with the spoken word. Though I have a sharp wit, and funny tongue, I don’t like to say things out loud anymore. It might be that talking with other people for too long drains me. Even though I didn’t know I wanted to write for a living, I was always much better with people by writing. I had a lot long distance friends, because it was easier to deal with them. I didn’t have to have them over to my house for awkward conversations or find things to do with them. I usually couldn’t call them, because back then, long distance phone calls cost money. The only way I could keep in touch with them was this ancient practice where you would put your writing instrument full of ink to this parchment thing.

Honestly, to my kid’s letter writing might as well be a cave drawing. I don’t think they have ever written a hand-drawn letter to a person in their lives. I believe that introducing them to that would be like showing them a cell phone that didn’t have apps, a VCR, or a floppy disc that you inserted into a computer.

Last night I was watching another of Hallmark’s amazing Oscar-Award worthy masterpieces, and some kid wanted to write a letter to Santa. First of all, no that kid didn’t want to write a letter to Santa. My kids always wanted to email him or FaceTime him. Second, that kid looked like he was 11 years old. His mom decided to hijack his letter to Santa and sent it to some random guy, and he wrote back. Along the way, she rediscovered her joy of letter writing. She and the guy who was playing Santa got in a long distance writing relationship and all of a sudden, romance.

How we write letters now.

The way we write letters now is text. The nice thing about texting is you can instantly know what people are doing. The problem with texting is you know instantly know what people are doing. There is no little detail that gets missed and all of a sudden when you see someone in person, you have nothing to catch up on. I preferred the time when you could write someone a letter and let them know the big things, but it wasn’t in real time. Then when you saw them, you had something to discuss.

My wittiness and sense of humor are so watered down now. I have no stories to tell people, no quick wit, no humor that is new. Everyone already steals the funny memes from the internet and wittiness is lost because kids think everything in LOL funny, even though you can barely hear them laugh.

The art of the set up that I would use in my letters are just gone because the art of the story has been chunked down into quick text snippets, 6-second videos, and quick memes. The art of a well-written letter has been replaced by a short email, text or gif.

What do you think? If you ever wrote a letter, do you miss writing them? Do you miss being funny because people want their humor summed up and packaged in a nice neat 3-second snip?

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Letter Writing Ben

Advertisements

Time Travel and Dreams

1985 teenaged Bitter Ben? Mind Blown.

Back to the Future was one of the most mindblowing movies I watched when growing up. Back in the summer of 1985, I remember one of my friends telling me about this movie with a time machine and in my mind, a time machine basically looked like a big Instant Pot. It would have some wires, and some blinking lights, and a bunch of knobs and dials. When my brother told me to go see it, he’s like, “Trust me, you will like this time machine. I’m going to tell you what it is, but it is amazing.”

Somehow back in those days, I was able to hide from the hype of time traveling car. Spoiler warning didn’t need to exist, because the internet wasn’t doing pre-hype, live hype or after hype. TV would barely run commercials, and trailers weren’t events like they are now. When I stepped in the theater, a week after Back to The Future opened, I had no idea that a time machine could be a car. I had no idea if this could be a sequel or anything like that. All I knew is that my brother told me the time machine was something different than what had ever been seen.

When we talk about time travel, it all seems like such a crazy thing. It could never happen. Even if it could happen, would it be a good idea? I mean if only two, maybe three people messed with time travel in the three Back to the Future movies, and they almost destroyed the space-time continuum every time they stepped on a leaf, how would it be if billions of people could be backward, forwards and upside down? It would be a mess, wouldn’t it?

The what?

Then again, I think we have time travel, space travel, even alternate realities right now. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been fascinated with dreams. When I was in high school, considering career paths, I had a few different ideas. One was the one I had since I was a junior higher, which was copywriting, one was to work for Nintendo in some capacity, and the other one was dream interpreter. I figured out there wasn’t really a career path in dream interpreting unless I wanted a 1-900 number and a predilection for predicting the future too.

Anyways, they say that perception is reality right? Well, if you are dreaming, isn’t the dream the reality at the moment? And since you dream about the past a lot, and the future, doesn’t that mean you are time traveling? If you are dreaming about being in space, doesn’t that mean you are space traveling? If you are dreaming a reality in which you married a different girl, or had different kids, or lived in Paris instead of Utah, doesn’t that mean you are living in an alternate reality?

All I know is one time I dreamed that I won a large sum of money in the lottery and I was super sad when I woke up. I’ve talked about this before, but sometimes dreams can be so real that you can almost imagine your mundane everyday life is the dream and the dream is the everyday.

Great Scott is right.

What do you think about dreams? Do you think the dreams could possibly be the reality? Do you feel like space, time and realities are possible because of dreams?

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Dream Time Travel Ben

P.S. Hello Bitter Friends. I just want you all to know that I am going to start including affiliate links on my posts. Basically, for any subject I talk about, I will link to products on Amazon that are related to the thing I just talked about. I will probably also link to products I’m interested in too. No pressure, but if you would like to help me make a little money on the side, click the link and purchase the item and I get a little kickback. Also, if you are thinking of buying anything on Amazon, let me know and I will include a link somewhere in a blog post for you, and it will help me by doing so. Plus, it will be like a challenge for me to incorporate a word I might not have been thinking about in a post, so yeah for that. Thanks for following me through all the different changes I’ve been implementing. Also, take a look at the ads below. Click them.

 

Tension Bitterness

 

I’m no scientist, so I’m going to look it up on Google. Tension is the state of being stretched tight. If you think about a rubber band, there is a certain amount of tension that is good. You pull it back to the right tension and release, the rubber band can fly. That being said, the right amount of tension for humans is a good thing too. You get the right amount between people, between work and a lot can get accomplished.

On the other hand, if you pull back on a rubber band too much, it simply snaps. The same principle applies to humans as well. I’ve always had some sort of tension, either at work or at home. Sometimes it is both, but if that sustains, someone is going to snap. So lately, I’ve been applying the age-old principle on my way to and from work (consequently the only place that I get any time to myself). This principle of breathing. I’ve heard it is the key to life, so I keep trying to do that. Anyways, I feel like if I don’t learn how to meditate soon, I might be that rubber band that has too much tension. How about some Bitter Friday Giftures, to release the rubber band…

Umm…

…yeah, kind of painful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How do you feel about all this…

…yes kind of middling here.

What I feel like…

…every time I get home.

This is not…

…the kind of release I’m talking about.

I could definitely use one of these…

…portals right now.

Never underestimate…

…the power of baby ducks to get rid of your problems.

Also…

…never underestimate the power of special effects in your life.

Maybe you need to work on…

…on your ninja bear skills.

Sometimes…

…you just need a few people to come around to make you feel like a complete weakling.

Sometimes…

…you just need a drink.

Other times…

…you just need to build a better bridge.

And other times…

…we just need a full out panic attack.

So how do you guys deal with all the tension? If you have a gif that speak 10,000 words leave that in the comments. If not, use words.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Tension Rod Ben

Passive Income Bitterness

And your dad probably told you to get a job.

You know the trouble with this world in general? It is always sending mixed messages. You know, like stay in line, pay your taxes, eat your vegetables, but be a rebel, travel the world, fight the system. Get out and live, but stay indoors and be safe. Take care of your family, but explore and be free. There are just so many conflicting messages out there, how are we supposed to know what we are supposed to do. Sometimes we even have parents that tell us to do two separate things. One tells us to work hard, go to school, show up on time, be responsible and another will tell us to follow our dreams, go where the wind takes us, learn how to be happy without money.

No wonder everyone is always so confused.

My training was always to work hard, be on time, be responsible. When it comes to getting a job, be aggressive. Then you see these people like Kanye and Kardashians who built an empire or riches on really, not working hard. Not being responsible, falling backward into all kinds of deals. I’ve worked hard my whole life. In my career, I’ve always shown up early, rarely ever taken a sick day, followed the rules, and did my best to get along with people at work. Some days I show up at home, back, knees, and shoulders aching from taking on too much responsibility and not getting paid near enough. Sure, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I’m no genius. Honestly, I’m kind of a fake it til you make it kind of guy. I learn things by Googling and YouTubing. Even basic things that people take for granted.

How I learn stuff.

I am a passive person, but the way I get my income is aggressive. Anything I get, I have to show up and be doing. The goal for me, and probably most everyone is this thing called passive income. It’s this amazing concept where you earn money when you are NOT working. You are sitting on the couch or at a 5-star hotel, or grocery shopping.

Most celebrities are passive income earners. This is why they are rich. Think about Kanyne. He is a rapper. He makes an album say 20 years ago. Every time someone buys that album, whether it be a CD or a digital download, he gets a cut. Then because he is famous, he makes a T-shirt line. They are garbage t-shirts, made from the same material I could get, but because he is famous, he slaps his name on it, charges $200, and people buy it. Then once he releases it…passive income. Anytime someone buys a t-shirt, he gets a cut.

Also earning millions for sitting passively.

Now there is this thing called Influencer marketing. Companies pay people like Kanye or famous YouTubers to post their brand on Instagram. Not just a $100. We’re talking like a million dollars a post. Mention a product, get a million dollars. Insane.

This is where the mixed message comes in. My parents always told me to work hard and be aggressive, but really the goal is to get passive.

How do you feel about passive income? Were you taught to be aggressive and reliable to achieve your dreams or to go where the wind takes you? Or both? Are you as confused as I am?

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Passive Income Ben

 

The Scariness of Multi-Electronicing

Why isn’t this a day off again?

Happy Halloween, you filthy animals. I never understood why the biggest holiday in America is one that we don’t get off. From what I’ve heard, Halloween is the holiday that makes the most money, even over Christmas. If you want to me to prove it, I will say Google it and look it up yourself. I don’t have time to prove things. Why in the name of all that is good and holy do we not get Halloween off? I have a rant prepared for this, but I’ll save that one for another day. Just make it a holiday.

Speaking of Halloween, the theme of this major holiday is scariness and being uneasy. If you don’t believe me, you should see how uneasy I am in my Halloween costume. Since we are talking about scary stories, here is one I deal with every day.

The terror.

Batteries.

I don’t know if you guys are like me when you sit down every day to watch TV. I don’t just watch TV anymore. I always have to have something electronic in my hands. I don’t care if that is childish, but I always have to be multi-electronicing. The problem with multi-electonicing is the age-old problem of batteries. My phone is getting older, and the battery life is pathetic. Charging stations are the most important thing in the world right now.

Because battery life is so pathetic, I have a rotation of things that I need to switch to. My chain of command works like this. First, my phone. It is the first one that I pull out to distract me from everything else. It has the most important games, it fits in the pocket the easiest, and has the texts that are the most urgent. Some people say it is essential because it has the phone app, but I deleted that thing. No one needs to be taking phone calls on a phone. When my phone gets to ***gasp*** 10%, I have to bring it to the charging hospital and get it revived before it dies of loss of battery.

I might die without my life-giving electronics.

Then I move to the next thing on the list, my laptop. It is the equivalent of an old man at 5 years old and lacks the battery power to process anything for more than an hour. But at least it can distract me long enough for my phone to charge….sometimes.

If I get really desperate, and the phone and the laptop are both in critical condition, I resort to option #3. It is scary to have to resort to the last option, but sometimes I have to do it. If I don’t, I will be left without an electronic device. I might as well be stuck in a scary barn at midnight with a chainsaw-wielding psychopath trapping me in a corner if I don’t have an electronic device in my hand. The last option is the tablet. It is so basic, that it only has two, maybe three apps I can check. If I ever get to option 3 and there is no battery life, you will probably see me curled up on the couch dead of accidental electronic withdrawals. Let’s hope I never run out of all three options. Now that is scary.

How about you guys? Can you survive without an electronic device in your hands? Do you have your chain of command?

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Scary Story of No Electronics Ben

Bitter Loop

Math isn’t good for anything.

I learn simple and stupid things every day from Google and YouTube. There is only so much you can learn from teachers and school. Especially because most of the stuff they teach you is really boring and not something, I need to know. Like Math. When is the last time I ever learned anything from that? Oh yeah, 1+1 = 3 . My teacher’s spent way too much time teaching me that when they could have been teaching me how to change a spare tire. Or how to cheat the algorithm on jobs, so I could get more interviews. Why was I learning about the five layers of earth crust when I should have been learning more about the layers of Pizza Hut’s Stuffed Crust?

All I know is that they really didn’t teach us the stuff we really needed. Thankfully YouTube and Google came along so I could learn the real useful stuff instead of having to look in an encyclopedia how to loop a YouTube video. I was talking the other day about really liking movie trailers because they get you pumped enough about a movie, but you don’t have to wade through all the boring exposition or details that bog down a convoluted story.

This is the kind of thing that needs to be looped.

While I work, I like to watch trailers in the background over and over again. Some of them are just so good that you want to listen to them over and over again. The problem with doing that is they are so short, you have to click out of what you are doing and restart them over and over again, and it distracts you from avoiding work in more efficient ways. I finally decided to see if you could just put a YouTube video on an eternal loop and sure enough, you can. Once I figured it out, I kicked myself for not figuring it out before.

Eternal loops. Sometimes I wonder if my life is on an infinite loop. I’ve spent so many time in my life doing almost the same thing week to week that I sometimes think that some alien has a cosmic YouTube that I’m a part of and he or she has put my life on a weekly loop. I wake up at the same time, trudge through the same traffic, do the same terrible blog post that no one pays me to, do some of the same simple tasks every day, and then drive home. On repeat.

Not this.

I think that alien is just cruel or masochistic. Why wouldn’t he put the exciting parts of my life on repeat? Like that one week in Hawaii 8 years ago? Or the cruise we went on 3 years ago. Or that time when I actually got published in a magazine? Why does that frickin alien always repeat the same workday over and over?

I’m smart enough only to loop stuff on YouTube that is good. I know not to loop stuff on YouTube about doing math equations, or the grindingly terrible music. I know to avoid watching that weird ASMR stuff on loop.

I just wish the alien could just fast forward to the moment when I win the lottery and let me loop that moment over and over again.

What about you guys? What moments do you think have been on loop over and over again? Which ones do you wish happened over and over again?

ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Looper Ben

P.S. Hello Bitter Friends. I just want you all to know that I am going to start including affiliate links on my posts. Basically, for any subject I talk about, I will link to products on Amazon that are related to the thing I just talked about. I will probably also link to products I’m interested in too. No pressure, but if you would like to help me make a little money on the side, click the link and purchase the item and I get a little kickback. Also, if you are thinking of buying anything on Amazon, let me know and I will include a link somewhere in a blog post for you, and it will help me by doing so. Plus, it will be like a challenge for me to incorporate a word I might not have been thinking about in a post, so yeah for that. Thanks for following me through all the different changes I’ve been implementing. Also, take a look at the ads below. Click them.

Bitter Space Invaders

Take that, dude. I’m all alone in Space!

I just watched that Martian movie with Matt Damon. If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a dude that goes with a crew to Mars, but the crew doesn’t make it there. So he is left on Mars without anyone else. He is all alone. Eventually, he finds a way to survive off of planting things and making contact with the people of earth. Through many difficult trials and such, just like Hollywood always does to its characters, he “spoiler alert” survives and makes to back to earth.

Let’s go back to the part where he was on the planet alone. For him and the extroverts of the world, this would be a nightmare. For me and a lot of introverts, this would be pure bliss. Sure, we wouldn’t survive very long without other people, but can I imagine a life of not going to parties and awkwardly trying to come up with conversation? Can I imagine never having to say good morning to anyone every morning? Can I imagine never having to speak in front of a crowd of strangers or travel on an airplane flight and having to talk to my seatmate? Yes, yes I can.

A whole lot of years ago, I realized that my day starts out pretty amazingly. I wake up, take a shower, get ready for work, drive to work, and get in about an hour and a half before anyone comes in. Do you know what all those things have in common? I haven’t talked to anyone. Not in the shower, not on the drive in and not in the first few hours at work.

I need to educate people on personal space.

Then people come in. All of a sudden, my day starts going terribly and horribly downhill. Life becomes miserable as soon as I start interacting with people. Seven people asking how my morning was. Seven people asking me how my weekend. Seventeen people asking me to do things for them. Three people asking if we can have a meeting. Do you see where it all goes wrong? The amazing efficiency with which I do all things is gone.

You know what kills efficiency? That’s right. People. At my old job, for a while, I was just doing admin work. I was pretty good at getting things done until I had to start taking phone calls. I didn’t even answer that many, but when I did, I would inevitably get a problem child, and they would require to alter my whole day. I was like a meteor in space on a trajectory toward a planet that was supposed to arrive at a certain time. But then some little tiny, but angry other space rock collided with me and now I’m headed toward another planet and will never make it back to Planet Productivity. It isn’t aliens that are the Space Invaders. It’s other humans.

Do you understand why I like my space? How do people hinder and interrupt your days? Let me know in the comments.

Bitter Space Needer Ben

P.S. Hello Bitter Friends. I just want you all to know that I am going to start including affiliate links on my posts. Basically, for any subject I talk about, I will link to products on Amazon that are related to the thing I just talked about. I will probably also link to products I’m interested in too. No pressure, but if you would like to help me make a little money on the side, click the link and purchase the item and I get a little kickback. Also, if you are thinking of buying anything on Amazon, let me know and I will include a link somewhere in a blog post for you and it will help me by doing so. Plus, it will be like a challenge for me to incorporate a word I might not have been thinking about in a post, so yeah for that. Thanks for following me through all the different changes I’ve been implementing. Enjoy the bitterness! 

Spooky Friday Giftures

 

It is that time of year again where people all of a sudden want to be scared. I heard somewhere that Halloween makes more money than Christmas. I’m not one to do research, so I will just go ahead and assume that is true. I know people that like Halloween way more than Christmas. In fact, one guy I worked told me that he was already looks forward to Halloween on November 1st, for next year.

I find a few things about Halloween scary. It is one of the most major holidays in the US, and somehow we don’t get the day off. How in the world is that not scary to people? The other thing, is that dressing up takes work. I’ve worn some of the most uncomfortable costumes made to man. I was Beast from Beauty and the one year, and it was sweating like a beast. Another time I wore a Donald Duck costume. I was not used to having such a big butt before and it was the most uncomfortable thing to sit in. I’m all about comfort when it comes to dressing and getting hot in something you are wearing is one of my least favorite things. On the gifs, I hope they scare the heck out of you…

Watch as…

…this guy completely disappears into a haunted van.

Something new?…

…the scariest thing I can imagine.

Careful as the…

…mud monster attacks the bikers.

Noooo

…anything but that!!

Careful…

…or a haunted kitty will take over your head.

Don’t do it…

…the wine is haunted!

Make sure you check carefully for…

…haunted children.

Also be careful…

…for possessed adults.

Careful…

…for the haunted slide of doom. 

Guy possessed…

…at a basketball game. Beware! 

Behold…

…the pyramid of pizza!

And scariest of all…

…this guy who disappeared never to be seen again. 

Scariness is all about perspective. I could probably go into a haunted house or a scary movie and not feel a thing, but if I get a hair in my mouth or in my cereal, I run screeching like a little girl. I hope you have a bitter Halloween. It’s this weekend, right?

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Freak out Friday Ben

Escape Goat Bitterness

But I will fight for you.

Say what you will about Micheal Scott, one of my favorite all-time characters from the Office, but that guy was loyal. He stuck with Dunder Mifflin and the Micheal Scott Paper Company even they treated him like dirt. Granted, he did some pretty bad things to others and the company, but no one was more loyal to Dunder Mifflin than Michael. Maybe Dwight. Micheal may have been a little thick, and very abrasive and very inappropriate, but no matter how bad he was treated, he always fought for Dunder Mifflin and the people that worked there. He never as he said, “used an escape goat.”

Yesterday, I went through two very serious situations in which people that I know and care about got backed into a corner. As we all know, when you get backed into a corner, your instincts only allow you two choices. That of fighting and that of fleeing. When you see how a person reacts to this very situation, you get to see what a person is made of. Sometimes, it is smart and savvy to run. I have no doubt that in the right situation, fleeing is the smart thing to do. Sometimes you can only take too much, and fleeing is your only option. I get it. I’ve been in many situations (social gatherings) where I get trapped in a metaphorical corner, and almost always when it comes to talking to people, I choose the flee option. I despise small talk, and awkwardness with a passion, and it doesn’t make any sense to me to fight through a situation like that. In those situations, a fake phone call, a punch bowl, or a bathroom break are an introverts best friend.

Get me to the punch bowl.

Then there are the situations that happened yesterday. I was always taught that I shouldn’t judge other people, because there is no possible way for me to know everything that is going on in that person’s life, in their head, or in their past life. Too many things make it impossible for me to 100% judge. Then again, I see people do it every day and they get paid quite well to do it. Judge Judy has made a living and fame from judging stupid people all day. I’m sure she had an excellent legal education to get her there, as well as the personality that makes it entertaining to watch her, but I’m judging people for free. I think I should at least be able to do it if I’m not charging people to do it.

In any event, I think the people I’m talking about took the fleeing option, and quite frankly, in both situations, they took the cowards way out. I try not to use the coward word lightly, but in truth they did. I think they should have fought harder for what they wanted. Loyalty is not always the easiest thing to be, but I’ve always been pretty loyal, and for me when someone just runs from certain situations, they are cowards.

Anyways, I’m going to pull up my old man pants and deal with the things that these people left me with and be a man about it.

You got it.

How do you guys feel about loyalty? Are you a Micheal Scott, who will stick with people and places, and fight for them? Or are you a Robert California and flee at the slightest sign of trouble? What situations do you think are okay to flee? What are some important ones that you need to fight for?

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Loyalty Ben

Lottery Bitterness

Sorry about making a mess all over the place.

It seems like every time we have a huge jackpot in the MegaMillions or the Powerball, I have the need to write about it. I can see why the lottery is a national obsession. It’s not that I think about it all the time. In fact, I’ve only actually played it once. Didn’t win. All I know is that for a few days, whenever it goes to some ginormous amount, I can’t help but think what I would do.

We all do. It is a natural tendency for all of us to think about what we would do if we have more money than we could ever spend. Some of us say it wouldn’t change us. We would still go to our job, we would still live in the same house and drive the same car. Those people are called either insane or liars. No matter how down to earth, humble or grounded you are, your life will change. It may be much better or worse, but it isn’t staying the same. Almost everyone would get a new car, a new house and a whole slew of new friends and admirers.

I honestly wondered last night if some millionaires and even billionaires went out and bought a ticket or 10. It might be out of just pure jealousy that someone instantly become richer than them and by a large margin. Imagine a Kardashian realizing that their $350 million value was all of sudden dwarfed by someone who might have been a hillbilly in South Carolina and didn’t sleep their way into doing nothing and earning a lot of money and fame. Imagine their jealousy.

Now I imagine what I would do with it. I think the first thing I would do is deal with my enemies and leaches that would try to get my money. I would buy an island somewhere in the Specific Ocean and just put all of them there. Then I would put $1 million in an account controlled by some really tight, penny-pinching lawyer that would make the decisions on who got any money from me.

Lawyer doesn’t know who he is supposed to give money to.

Next, I would find the biggest custom couch in the history of the world. The kind that would need a map to find the center and a nap every hour to get out of. Then I would buy the biggest TV made just so I could see it from the couch. In my spare time, I would start destroying Disney from the inside. Destroy “It’s a Small World” ride, sell food in the parks for way less than Disney is, and then start making DC quality movies in Marvel movies. I would put George Lucas in charge of writing the Star Wars movies but letting Micheal Bay direct them.

I would buy the word Bitter from whoever owns it (right now Burger King owns Bitter.com) and also I would by the name Ben. I would also buy the word hashtag and return that back to being called pound sign, so no one could ever hashtag again without paying a hefty fine. Oh, and of course, I would give the rest to charities that opposed Disney.

What about you all? Any plans for the billion dollars? Or would you just “give it all to charity” and not change your life at all?

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Lottery Loser Ben

Poor Job Performance Bitterness

Not my love language.

My son’s love languages run deep. He craves almost all of them. He loves affection, he loves getting words of affirmation, and above all he loves gifts. Sometimes, I’m not sure if it is because he loves the gift inside or if it really is just the act of opening a present. Regardless, he loves having as many occasions as possible so he can get gifts. I’m guessing he probably has a list longer for Christmas than the rest of my family combined.

Needless to say, he loves extending his birthday as long as possible. It was last Saturday and any chance he gets to be celebrated he will take. Our aunt on my wife’s side is always really generous with gifts and money, so she invited him to come up where she lives and go to a bouncy house. He really enjoys those because he is very physical and makes friends really easily. From what I was told (I was at work), he made a bitter rival in dodgeball (proud of him) and a bunch of other friends while he was there. My daughter said he looked like a really cold Pepsi on a really warm day (IE he was really sweating).

How people treat my birthday.

I was invited to come to see them after work to go to dinner and then invited to go to a Utah Jazz game with my son afterwards. I am a fan of the NBA, but not of the Jazz, so I was told by my son I wasn’t allowed to wear my Spurs sweatshirt so visibly. I had to tie it around my waist.

I could go into the minute details about the game, but I will not. What I will say is that I’ve never seen such a terrible basketball game in all my life. I’ve seen and played in a lot of basketball games in my life, but I’ve never seen that horribleness. I feel like with the amount of money those guys get paid, and the amount of money the owner’s have, they should have give the entire crowd their money back. Shots were missed, layups were biffed, people were intimidated, it was just a horrific display of terribleness. I know people have off days, but teams should never be that bad. Earn your $450,000 you just go paid to play that one particular game. That was just embarassing.

How the game felt last night.

On the other hand, I have to admit that I have taken days off at work too. There have been many a days where I spent literally no time, effort, or ability at work and I got paid. I felt horrible. I might as well have sat at home on my couch watching TV, and quite regrettably, I easily could have. I had over three months worth of sick days at that job. I should have stayed home and given zero effort. At least people would have known why, because I was “sick”.

I just think some humans like myself need a break and they don’t always know how to work a sick day. So we go to work, get bitter, decide to check out for the day and enjoy the internet for all of its possibilities.

What about you? Are you one of those 100% effort or you feel horrible about yourself people? Or are you like me and just decide that some days at work are going to be fruitless and you just decide to check out?

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Poor Job Performance Ben

Nick Name Bitterness

Also, I’m changing my name.

You might be surprised that Bruno Mars isn’t that guys real name. It is Peter Gene Hernandez. You might also think that Natalie Portman’s real name is real, but it isn’t. Her BC(birth certificate) name is Neta-Lee Hershlag. It isn’t shocking that people use different names than the ones their parents gave them.

My brother’s name is really Joseph, and my sister’s name is Joi, so you can see why he might have wanted to change his name. My parents could have potentially been screaming at those two saying, “Joi, Joey, get down here.” Not sure how that could have been confusing growing up. I decided to have two completely different kids and names so I wouldn’t get confused. Cause heaven knows I need any more help getting confused.

I was always a big nickname guy growing up and also now. I had a nickname for each of my brothers and sisters, and even my parents, because really who calls someone their actual given name? That is just weird. Your name is your identifier and quite honestly your brand. A name can change your life in a lot of ways. That’s why you need to think long and hard before you name your kids. You don’t want to name them Stormi or North, because however hard they just wanted to be more calm or south facing, now they are stuck with that name (unless they become a celebrity, which they will then just change their name).

What if I just like the direction South East?

Some people have been scarred for life, because of stupid names their parents gave them. Like for instance the guy that was legally named Batman. It doesn’t matter that he was afraid of the dark and fighting crime in Gotham, he became a hero you didn’t know you needed.

My son recently changed his Xbox name from something awesome to a stupid name that was just identifying with some stupid clan. I told him it was a bad idea before he did it, because your Xbox namertag sticks with other people and let’s them know who you are. Now instead of being an original and awesome gamer, you are just part of some clan that will leave you as soon as they find a replacement and you will be left with this stupid name. None of your friends will know who you are when you log in.

He changed and it is now his Scarlet Letter.

You can call me by my gamer tag, DingyJester.

Thankfully, my parents understood my calling before I was born and knew that I would need to be named Bitter Ben. That name helped me identify with who I am and has made me the bitter guy I am today. Some people call me Ben and that is fine as long as they understand that Bitter is really who I am.

How do you guys feel about your name? How has it helped your identity? Have you changed your name? Is it because you are a celebrity? If you are a celebrity please reach out to me so you can sponsor my blog and make it famous, BTW.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Nicknamin Ben

%d bloggers like this: