Insuring Bitter Saturday Giftures

 

Who knew that this guy would ever have a job again? Who knew that not only would he be working in an industry he used to think was the biggest scam? That’s right, I work in insurance now. Don’t worry though, I don’t actually do anything with your accounts; that would be scary. No I just social media it. The funny part about all that is we are required to get our insurance license, so technically I could be the one who does your insurance at least in this state. Anyways, I never thought I would join the bitter industry. Let’s just say like most actors, it’s fun to play the bitter guy in movies. With further ado, here are this week’s Bitter Saturday Giftures.

Vegans that eat french fries…

…are joining the dark side.

All the sun this summer…

…is making my skin join the dark side.

Career long OKC player…

…joins the bitter side by joining Houston.

Dog tries to join the dark side…

…fails.

This is me whenever someone tries to talk to me…

…about things.

There’s always that one friend…

…who won’t let it go.

Actually…

…you should all take it personally.

Sometimes I wish…

…I wish I was camouflaged like this guy.

That’s why it always feels…

…why this guy is so udderly ridiculous.

Man geese are the worst…

…because they remind me so much of myself. 

Don’t let the…

…fake smile fool you.

This is how it feels to be…

…in a conversation.

Now that I’ve joined the bitter side of industry, I’m sure you will all not want to talk to me. Why didn’t I think of this earlier?

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Insuring your Nightmares Ben

 

Playtime is Over Bitter Friday Giftures

 

It’s been really fun the last six months sitting around the house, applying for jobs, getting prepared for interviews, getting fun questions from people like, “How’s the job search going?” and “Have you found any leads?” or “Tell me a little about about yourself” and “Why do you think you are the best person for this job?” I’m going to miss the sleepless nights, the hopeless mornings, and anxiety ridden thoughts at all times of the day about what is going to happen in my career. I’m going to miss the feelings of inadequacy and the questions about how a young 23 year college graduate somehow has more of a grasp on social media, content creation and Google Analytics than me. Yeah, the days of fancy freeness and doing nothing all day is over. This guy is finally growing up and accepted a job. I guess I will have to start dealing with stability and responsibility and doing things during the day. I’m going to have to start experiencing a steady paycheck and contributing to society. The only thing that is not going to change is a weekly contribution to the internet called Bitter Friday Giftures.

Now that I have a job…

…no more dancing around like an idiot.

Now that I have a job…

…no more playing with things like bubbles.

Now that I have a job…

…there is no more time for chasing my tail around all day.

Now that I have a job…

…there will be no more outside play.

Now that I have a job…

…there will be no more writing weird things on my blog.

Now that I have a job…

…there will be no more barely missing targets.

Now that I have a job…

…there is no more not meeting goals.

Now that I have a job…

…there is no more letting things slide.

Now that I have a job…

…every day will be Monday.

Now that I have a job…

…transportation will be very important.

Now that I have a job…

…overcoming hurdles will be of utmost importance.

Now that I have a job…

…I will have to leap to greater heights.

Now that I have a job…

…playtime is over.

Look forward to only serious posts, nothing fun or interesting and definitely nothing but business, seriousness and grown up posts from now on. Playtime is over.

ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Business Ben

 

Weather or Not Bitter Friday Giftures

 

For some reason, Al Roker seems to be getting more attention this year. Yeah, his glasses are weird colors and he is extremely short compared to his co-workers, but that doesn’t seem to be it. It’s because he is a meteorologist on the Today show and well, the weather has been a little wackadoodle this year. Snow in Seattle has cause them to be in school until almost July. Tornadoes and flooding has decimated the midwest. And worse than all of that rain has caused our son’s baseball season to be moved out like three weeks. Last night the wind blew over one of our pillows on the front porch. What is going on here? I’m thinking the weather needs to chill out. Well, not chill but you know, just warm up a little. Instead of worrying about the weather, how about just view some of these Bitter Friday Giftures…

Sometimes the weather is…

…just making us dog tired.

In many offices…

…its quite scorching.

Other times…

…it feels like someone set the thermometer a little low.

Other times…

…I wonder if it is kite weather yet.

Summer is a time for…

…glamping.

While others are camping…

…in a lot less glamorous way.

Some people have to deal with the light rains…

…so they have enough room for their kiddie pools.

Who doesn’t enjoy…

…an umbrella storm on the nice sandy beach?

Who doesn’t enjoy…

 

…a nice relaxing canoe trip down the river?

After a lovely summer rain…

…who doesn’t enjoy jumping in the puddles?

Who doesn’t love a road trip…

…where the road is the one doing the driving?

Sometimes the weather…

…is lightening the way.

As you know, every summer is different and the only thing you can count on is that the weather will be changing. Enjoy your bitter summer.

ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Weather Ben

Best Time of the Year Bitter Friday Giftures

 

This week is my favorite of the year. Many people love December and all its holidays. Others love Thanksgiving and the chance to eat lots of food, shop and be with family. Others love Valentine’s Day (just kidding, no one loves Valentine’s Day, ironically). Some love the summertime for sun, sand, good weather and time for outdoor adventures. Not me. In fact, I love this time of year, not for the fact that the weather is nice, but because I get to stay inside MORE. I love video games because the enhance my laziness to the extreme that not even TV can manage. And this week of the year, is the biggest (or at least the most famous) gaming expo the world. All the biggest gaming companies (both hardware and software), except this year when Playstation decided to skip.

As with every great thing, there is also a downside. The excitement of seeing new games, new consoles and fancy new programs, continues the whole week. The problem is right after the conference is over. Just like when you come home from an awesome vacation, there is the letdown of it being over. Lots of games go away for a year or more, many won’t see releases for a couple years or more, and all the excitement fades in the summer months. Then you are stuck with your old crappy games you’ve been playing for months, knowing you won’t have anything to look forward to until next year when E3 comes back to save you from your early summer slump. Nothing can replace the excitement of E3, but Bitter Friday Giftures  are just going to have to do for now.

If I wasn’t a grown up…

…you know this is what I would do all summer.

 

Sometimes games are broken…

…sometimes legs are.

Video games…

…make everything better.

As video games teach us…

…doing nothing is always better than doing something.

No matter how bad things go in video games…

…they are always better than real life.

In video games, there is always another chance…

…in life, not so much.

Ping pong as a game…just painful…

…video games, much less so.

Who knew telling someone you were pregnant in a video game…

…would be so charming and non-grammarlike?

Only in video games…

…can a plumber swing a giant spiky turtle.

Only in video games…

…would you befriend a wild electric mouse.

Only in video games…

…would you hit a question mark above your head and expect money.

Only with video games…

…can you always be in control(er).

Today is pretty much the saddest day of the year. All the exciting announcements are being put to bed. All the biggest games are going back to the lab. All the biggest game makers are getting back to work. All the gamers are going back to the old sad games they have been playing that only have regular HD graphics and we have to suffer for 364 days until life is worth living again. Guess it is time to whine about how life sucks again and throw fits like little kids.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Video Gaming Time of Year Ben

 

 

Journey Bitter Friday Giftures

 

Lately, I’ve been taking a lot of journeys. I went on a 10 state 2000+ journey across the southern United States. This week I’ve been trying to walk 50 K total for Pokemon Go. And then there is the bitter discovery of trying to know what I want to do in my life at the age of 46. Some of the journey’s were very specific and had very attainable and realizable goals. Others are way more confusing and have less of a direct path. All I know is every single one is exhausting and each is in need of a couch at the end and that should be the goal. Thankfully, I always end up there at the end. And the end of the week should always have a bunch of giftures as a reward for all the steps we’ve made during the week. Let’s not disappoint this week.

Road trips always start with…

…a ridiculous amount of bad for you food.

There is sleep…

 

…but always the uncomfortable kind.

There is always…

…that murder mystery you have to solve.

I always hate…

…the cloud of dust that causes a fight in the back seat.

There are always those random towns…

…you never knew you wanted to see.

Seems like you always end up…

…with people you don’t want to.

As glamorous as road trips seem sometimes…

…there is just a whole lot of the staring out the window.

Then there is the constant…

…what time is it? When are you going to be there? How many miles before we want to stop?

At some point you start…

…to question how long you have been on the road.

Did it start yet…

…Captain Obviously.

At some point…

 

…desperation sets in and you want to go back, but realize that it would take longer to do that than go forward.

Nope…

…we are not.

As annoying as that last question is from your kids in the car on the road trip, it is actually one we ask ourselves all the time. Are we there yet in our family life? Are we there yet in our career? Are we there yet for our retirement? And most importantly are we there yet to win the lottery? It seems like our life road trip never really ends until we bite the big one. All I know is I’m tired of asking that question.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Journey Ben

 

Road Trip Bitter Friday Giftures

 

There is something about driving across the country in a 26 foot Uhaul trailer that makes you understand why truckers only like to stop at truck stops and not little gas stations. When your trailer doesn’t turn on a dime like your car, you kind of have to rethink how to drive things. Also, it make you a little sick of things. The sameness of the view outside, the sameness of the hum of the engine. The sameness of the roads. That must be what it is like when you guys come to this bitter post every week. More of the same words. More of the same giftures. More of the same bitterness. Well, prepare for it, because it is going to be a whole lot of similar.

Sometimes when you are tripping…

…you’d like to stop driving, but you just can’t.

Sometimes you feel just fine…

…then all of a sudden, you are asleep at the wheel.

Sometimes people think it is necessary…

…to sing and dance when they are on the road.

Others need a little drama…

…to stay awake.

Some people prefer…

…to look at the serene background to relax.

While others treat the trip…

…like it is just one big dance party.

Some people treat it…

…like it is a carpool.

Some people think of it…

…as an MMA smackdown.

Some prefer…

…the wind in their hair.

While some prefer…

…a more serene environment. 

Some like to drive…

…slow and steady.

While others prefer…

 

…to drive more Fast and Furious.

There is a lot more to tell about the Great Road Trip of 2019, but I will save that for another blog post that you guys can not look forward to at all. If however, you can’t wait for more, go to my instagram where I talked about each state I went to along the way. Stay tuned for a more in-depth post about what I was doing and why.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Road Trippin Ben

 

 

Bitter Tuesday Giftures

 

You guys have no idea how bitter I am right now. For all those people that have followed me from the beginning, (absolutely none of you) I’ve written 1000+ posts about things that made me bitter. I’ve written about everything from the tiniest irritation to absolutely soul crushing of not having a job for the last 5 months. I am the bitterest about the thing that both you and I missed last Friday. Every Friday for more than 6 years, I’ve written a Bitter Friday Giftures post, come heck or low water. I never make excuses (just kidding I do all the time) for missing them and the thing that makes me so bitter is that it was the lamest excuse ever. I was sick (which I never get) and I had some lame things to do. So I missed it and you all didn’t even realize that something was missing for you. I’m not even going to try to make up for it, but for my sanity, I’m going to post Bitter Friday Giftures on a Tuesday, which is the worst idea ever, because I hate Tuesdays. Speaking of bad ideas…

Watch out for the cops…

…they will get you all wet.

Oh no, it’s all over for this guy…

…just kidding, it’s just beginning.

Now that is a boat…

…I can get onboard with.

I have a feeling…

…this is going to be a cow-tastrophe.

This guy is being such a…

…Jurassic hole.

Every dog has his day…

…and today isn’t his day.

This is the kind of video games…

…that would be based on my life. 

This is probably where Grumpy Cat went…

…after he died.

You spin me…

…right round baby right round.

I guess…

…this was a last ditch effort.

 Daniel-son does NOT…

…want to fight him.

Water these…

…people doing?

On a programming note, I am going on a very different kind of trip on Wednesday, late night and I might be blogging about it, while on the trip, so look out for it. Or maybe not. We’ll see won’t we?

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Tuesday Giftures

 

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