Eggcellent Bitter Friday Giftures

 

I’ve been on a bitter diet lately, because my doctor told me I had to. I don’t know why doctors are always telling you such bitter news. You complain about one little thing (my knees, my back, my shoulder, can’t sleep, tired all the time, can’t make it up the stairs without breathing heavily, chest pains) and he thinks it’s related to my weight somehow.

Some people, I swear.  I told him that he has the power to give me some magical pills and I should be able to lose weight, and he did give me one for cravings, but other than that, he wasn’t much help. He did tell me that doctors were all wrong all those years and it turns out that carbs are the enemy, not fat. So I’ve been eating a lot of eggs and bacon, and cutting out some of the carbs. He told me no more candy too, which of course, he told me on FREAKING HALLOWEEN. Jerk.  Enough about how horrible doctors are, how about some Bitter Friday Giftures to eat, since I’m starving.

The only thing worse than being hungry…

…is ridiculous kids saying they are.   

The best part about having kids…

…is you can eat anything that is theirs and they can’t say anything about it. 

Me…

…around mid-afternoon. 

This is the only kind of…

…belly run I find acceptable. 

Even famous people…

…get a little hungry sometimes. 

Wile E. Coyote wasn’t a bad guy…

…he was just hungry.

Sometimes you just need to eat chicken nuggets…

…even though you are a chicken. 

Oh, sooo tempting…

…can I please have some more?

When your food is done…

…and you are still hungry. 

Sometimes food just can’t help…

…but fall into your mouth.

Sometimes you are as hungry…

…as a whole arm-y.

Food always…

…before family. 

Since food always comes before family, that is why so many arguements happen at Thanksgiving. Because we try to spend time with the ones we love, but family keeps getting in the way of spending it with food. Just a thought.

What is your guys relationship with food? Stronger than family I hope.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Eggcellent Friday Giftures Ben

 

 

 

 

One Comment on “Eggcellent Bitter Friday Giftures

  1. My relationship with food is similar to my dogs: shoveling it into my mouth as fast as I can before someone—usually my conscious—tries to stop me. Then I loath myself for giving in, swear I’ll do better, and in a couple hours do it all over again.

    No wonder I had a heart attack at 32.

    Like

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