Interviewing Bitter Friday Giftures

 

I don’t normally get too political, but when that stuff is crammed down your throat on TV on every single channel, all day long, you kind of sort of have to have an opinion. Not necessarily on one side of an issue or another, but some sort of opinion. Whether that opinion is that our country is a little screwed up with so many corrupt politicians and celebrities, both morally and moneywise, or you are just tired of them talking, you have an opinion.

My opinion is that they need to stop interviewing people. That Mueller guy looked really uncomfortable. One guy or girl after another getting their five minutes to question, yell at, coerce, manipulate, read back multiple statements and grill him like he was the burger at the summer barbecue.

All I gotta say is he got off pretty easy. He only had to do it for one day. Me, on the other hand, I’ve spent the last six months, cowtowing to HR managers, social media managers, SEO managers, marketing managers, and owners of companies. I’m guessing a few politicians snuck into a few interviews, just for good measure. I spoke in small rooms and palatial palaces. I went to a few companies two or three times, dealt with companies that had ping pong tables, scooters and Segways. I walked into some that had a broom closet to interview in.

I’ve showered, shaved, dressed up in uncomfortable suits, worn fancy tight socks, worn shoes with laces, ties in every shade of purple. I missed an in person interview because there was blizzard and sweated profusely in a fifth floor building that felt like they couldn’t afford air conditioning. The interview process needs to stop. I have a few ideas, and a whole lot of hatred toward the process. Let’s stop talking about interviewing for a while and just start Bitter Friday Gifturing.

I’m pretty sure…

 

…at least one company made me do this.

Almost did this one…

…but haven’t perfected the bottle flip yet.

I know how to…

…do things.

Sadly…

…I’ve had interviews that went worse.

I’ve definitely been on the other side…

 

…of this call.

I feel you…

…Lisa Simpson.

Not sure what was worse…

 

…beginning of date, or beginning or interview.

Not sure where to go…

…when talking on a phone interview.

After you know…

…you tanked that phone interview.

When you walk into…

…a group interview.

Would you like some water…

…before we start?

Not sure what is worse…

…end of date or end of interview.

…or the end of this blog post. All I know is the only thing I want to do after an interview is bathe myself in the tears. My tears, the tears of the people that were laughing at my interview and all the sweat that turned into tears. The fact that anyone has hired me after all these years is a testament that they must have seen past all the awkwardness and realized that maybe they just needed someone to chop off when their struggling company goes down in flames. Who’s looking forward to me doing this again in a year? Possibly only bloggers that love to see others pain.

ARRRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Interview Weirdness Ben

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