Yesterday I talked about sports and how I used to enjoy them. Today I’m going to talk about how they ruined my life. To get some context, my son is a burgeoning athlete. He is so much bigger than other kids his age, that sometimes it doesn’t even seem fair. In fact, in football, I believe he could play just about any position on the field and excel at it. He has a strong arm so he could be a quarterback, he is really good at catching, so he would be a good receiver. He has tree trunk legs and thighs so he could run right over other kids as a running back. The problem is that they hold him back at this age by calling him an X man. If you are over a certain weight, you can only be on the offensive or defensive line. So his abilities are being held back. It’s kind of like in the Incredibles, where Dash is running the 100-yard dash, but he has to hold back his speed in order to appear “normal” or “fit in”. I keep hoping he keeps strong and this leads him on NFL path. Dad could use an early retirement if you know what I mean.
This is my life was ruined by sports. I did all the work. Went to all the practices, ran all those races, putted all those shots, jumped all those highs, basketed all those balls, footed all those balls, tennised all those balls, based all those balls. Came home sweaty, tired, achy and sacrificed all that TV time. For what? Well, they told me if I worked hard enough, I would get to play in the games. They told me if I worked hard enough, I would get dates with girls. They told me if I worked hard enough, we could win a championship. They told me if I worked hard enough, I would be in great shape…Problem is I didn’t. Because I was tired. Because my body had a limit. Because my knees hurt and my back hurt and my head hurt. I played basketball until I was 40. Do you know what I go for it?
Well, I will tell you what I didn’t get. I didn’t get to play. I didn’t get girls. I didn’t get championships. And I certainly didn’t get any money. Not one cent professionally for basketball, baseball, track or otherwise. Just bad knees, bad ankles, bad feet, bad back.
I’ve decided that none of those things came true. Sports, exercise, it is all a myth. I know I should be giving you a pep talk because it is January, a time for resolutions and getting better and working at goals. But you know I’m bitter. All exercise will do is delay the inevitable, with nothing but soreness, tiredness, and badness left in its wake.
So I’ve decided to take up a different kind of exercise. Yelling at my kids. It gives my lungs, abs, and throat a thorough workout, releases stress, and isn’t that exercise is supposed to do for you?
Your Turn. What exercise do you do that is way better for you than exercise? What relieves stress for you? What sports are you bitter that you did when you were young? What resolutions are you not going to keep in the new year?
Bitter Yelling Exercise Ben
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Target Deal of the Day: “42 X 18” Decorative Wood Ladder Brown – Threshold. If you really need some exercise, how about climbing this decorative ladder, breaking it and breathing heavily when you hurt your back. Good for the abs and possibly even putting blankets on. You know, whatever suits your fancy.