Catch Phrases


I’m from the 80’s where let’s just say…television wasn’t as smart or as thought out. For some reason, back in my day, television didn’t have to be as good. It might be because there were only three stations competing for my time and writers could be super lazy about the concept for a television show. Somehow an alien called Alf, who liked eating cats and looked like a really bad muppet was a popular enough show that it lasted two seasons and became a cultural hit. There was also a show called Family Matters about a suburban black family run by the Sgt. Al Powell of the LAPD that helped John McClane stave off some terrorists in Nakatomi Plaza. It wasn’t a great show, nor was Alf, but they thrived somehow on the back of a few Catch Phrases. TV was all about them, and now they don’t really have them. Movies either. Every show is so smart now, so they don’t like to pander to an audience with a catch phrase. You know what I’m saying? Because “I make bitter better!” Now to the Bitter Friday Giftures.

Here’s a catch phrase for you…

“Don’t take your sweatshirt off when running on a treadmill.”


“Bottle flipping on a basketball is dumb.”


“Don’t keep your phone in a loose pocket while modeling on a dock.”


“Always maintain balance in your life.”


“There’s never a bad time for a nap.”


“Danny Tanner shouldn’t attempt backflips.”


“Don’t be a hamster.”


“Don’t always be in such a hurry to jet off.”


“Don’t look before you leap.”


“Ummm…actually just keep doing that.”


“Always give up.”


“Hey 50 cent, this is how you do it.”

After offering up these amazing catch phrases, which are both catchy, brilliant and dare I say memorable, I assume the networks are calling my agent right now to discuss multimillion dollar writing gigs for their network shows. If you don’t ever see another blog from me again, you can just assume I’m deciding which offer to accept and I don’t have time for you guys anymore. Also, it could be that I’m on vacation for the holidays and I’m too lazy to do anything during the week. Either way, I will be rich and you guys will wish you got my autograph. Out. Because I make bitter better.


Bitter Catchphrase Ben

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Target Deal of the Day: Here’s a catchphrase for you…Stop letting the kids drive you nuts. To do so, wrap them up in a nice warm coat, gloves, hat, and heavy underwear. Then, give them this Razor A5 Air Kick Scooter, and tell them to ride it through the snow to get to the playground. You can then tell them they now know how it feels to drive in traffic everyday and they should stop bugging you when you get home. I mean, they can have some sympathy. Also tell them that you got the scooter for $68.79, which is a way better price than the original $129.99, which is something like 47% if I’m just grabbing a number out of the air.

10 Comments on “Catch Phrases

    • Yeah, I’m thinking she thought he was a turd for showing off. I think it is funny that you are always observing other people in the Gifs and wondering what they think. You are very observant!


      • I think I am this observant because of the bear film. You know, in which several people throw each other a ball and you have to count how many times they do so. And then afterwards they ask you if you saw the bear, too. Like, a HUGE bear dancing across the screen. I didn’t. So ever since, I am paranoid.


      • Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen that but it sounds amazing. Is it a Youtube video? Can you send the link? It reminds me of those old videos when you were supposed to pay attention stuff on the screen and then a scary girl pops out to scare you.


      • Well what do you know! I actually found the link:

        I have ruined it for you now, I’m afraid 😦 You already know about the bear. So I’ll leave you in the blind about WHAT KIND of bear 😉 Seems like the nice thing to do. Have fun!


  1. I just watched the bear film–I clicked the link without reading the spoiler. I was so proud to get the right answer–13–but I totally missed the bear!


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