Cramping My Style

There are a lot of things that keep people up at night.

There are a lot of things that keep people up at night. For a lot of people, it is simple as a lousy bed that just keeps sticking daggers in their back. For others, it is crippling anxiety about work, family, school or the environment. Still others it is too dark, too light, too loud, too noisy or any number of other things that keep a light sleeper from sleeping.

I’m one of those people that can feel a light burning through my eyelids, so I prefer being a vampire. The darker and quieter the better. If I hear any noise, see any light or sense any movement, my detective skills go off. Also, for some reason, thunderous sounds, like say a fire detector, or super loud herd of buffalos wake me up. I think maybe I used to be able to sleep in the BC (Before Children). Ever since I had them starting 14 years ago, my ears are trained to hear crying babies.

Go back to sleep!

My kids were always so inconsiderate. For some reason, they could fall asleep when I was when I was in public and needed them to be awake, but as soon as I was ready for a good nights slumber, they suddenly became all night partiers. My wife wisely decided to bottle feed so that dad could participate in the nightly duties.

They finally grew old enough to be inconsiderate in other ways. Instead of making us miserable people without any sleep, they make us buy them expensive things even though we can barely pay for their insurance.

They are also really good at timing things terribly. For instance, they can sense when I need something, and they find a way to sabotage it.

For instance, I have this phone that is five years old and gets full to the point where I have to delete every app just so I can make a phone call. As I finally approached the subject of getting a new phone, my daughter’s phone becomes completely becomes unusable, and we have to get her one instead. Then, just as I was about to broach the subject again, my wife says she can’t pay bills because we don’t have a desktop, so we get that. Then, another thing comes along, and my request gets denied once again.

You know what else is inconsiderate? Cramps. They are just good at bad timing. Just like my kids being rude about my sleep and wallet, cramps come along right when you are trying to sleep. Last night, when I was fading into my REM sleep the moment where the real lottery numbers would be revealed to me, Mr. Back Leg cramp punched me in the back of the leg.

Leg cramp!

For some reason, leg cramp guy has the same lousy timing my kids have. He showed up at 3:15 am. Makes me forget my winning numbers, kicks my sleep pattern out the window and wakes up the rest of my brain to the point where Brain will not settle down until just before the alarm goes off. Thanks a lot, cramps.

What do you think about bad timing? Do you have it? Why do cramps only come at 3:15 am where you aren’t ready to deal with them, instead of at 7 am when you can kick it to the curb?


Bitter Cramp Wake up Call Ben

10 Comments on “Cramping My Style

  1. Ok, I literally woke up at 3:20 this morning. I thought it was just due to a bad dream, but it must have been because you yelled so loud about your leg cramp that I heard it all the way in California. Look, some of us are very light sleepers, so can you keep it down? Thanks. #SleeplessinSacramento


  2. I don’t like light, either. Problem is, every gadget a person has in their bedroom seems to have one or more LED lights. They light up a bedroom like a constellation of supernovas. So I go around with electrical tape to cover them. Too bad there’s no switch on our gadgets to just turn the damn lights off.


  3. Every once in a while a leg cramp will wake me up and I hop around the room like a psychotic jackrabbit trying to ease it. Sometimes, if I’m lucky…. my toes will be giving me the Vulcan live long and prosper sign.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: