The greatest gift to give to your kids

Yes, I would love to go outside and play catch.

As you know it is November. If you didn’t know that, it is time to invest in a calendar or a watch. Those are always good things to have around. If you look around and don’t know why you are here, maybe stay home, and invest a little time in reality management. The reason I bring up the fact that it is November is that it starts to get slightly cold in this hemisphere this time of year. My son doesn’t seem to realize this. Yesterday, he decided that he would “persuade” (force) me go outside after work and throw a football around. It’s not a good idea to throw a football when it is freezing, because the football turns into a solid rock of ice. It also doesn’t help when you have really weak hands from dunking a basketball a lot when you were young (or so I’ve heard).

My son is an extrovert. He reminds me of my worst nightmare when I was a kid. I would always get home from school, eat something, maybe do a little homework, and then get ready to plop down on my favorite couch for a nightlong TV session. Then the phone would ring. The chill would come down my spine. No!!! Someone probably wanted me to go play football, or basketball or some sport. In November. In South Dakota. Usually in weather below zero. My mom always encouraged me to do stuff, so I would almost always have to yes.

Now I have a son that makes me do the same thing.

I would have the ultimate revenge if he wasn’t adopted.

You see, the greatest revenge that parents have on their kids is the ability to pass down all their flaws.

My son is immune to me passing down all my traits genetically. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to work my butt off to give him all my bad habits through the way I treat him.

Here’s a pass I can handle. Passing off my bad traits to my kids.

He is already really good at the laziness. He is really good at grinding people’s gears. And he is definitely really good at throwing things everywhere and not picking them up. I think he might still be working on a pile of clothes my wife washed last month that he hasn’t brought upstairs yet. And man, he is really good at tuning things out when they aren’t what he wants to hear. I usually have to raise my voice to the level of Jerry Maguire in his “Show me the Money!” scene before he will even pay attention.

My daughter on the other hand, well she gets all my bad traits genetically. She has my tall gangly, clumsiness, my super dry bad skin, my terrible teeth, my allergies (to math and other people). In fact, the only good traits I gave her was my bitterness, and ability to roast people (see yesterday’s post).

Kids are the worst. The only reason to have them is to give all your personality flaws. Too bad they don’t just keep them.

How about you guys? Which flaws did you give your kids? Which ones do you wish they would keep?

ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Flaw Passer Ben

These are some of my favorite things:

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P.S. Hello Bitter Friends. I just want you all to know that I am going to start including affiliate links on my posts. Basically, for any subject I talk about, I will link to products on Amazon that are related to the thing I just talked about. I will probably also link to products I’m interested in too. No pressure, but if you would like to help me make a little money on the side, click the link and purchase the item and I get a little kickback. Also, if you are thinking of buying anything on Amazon, let me know and I will include a link somewhere in a blog post for you, and it will help me by doing so. Plus, it will be like a challenge for me to incorporate a word I might not have been thinking about in a post, so yeah for that. Thanks for following me through all the different changes I’ve been implementing. Also, take a look at the ads below. Click them.

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4 Comments on “The greatest gift to give to your kids

  1. We don’t have any children to pass annoying habits and defective genes on to…. but I’m more than willing to share my bunion laden feet and anal retentive personality traits with any unwitting soul who gets too close. I’m generous that way.

    Like

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