Low Ratings Bitter Friday Giftures

 

If this blog(and all my other blogs) were a TV show, they would have been canceled after the first few episodes. My first blog was not an overnight success, nor is this one. The problem is that I’m not famous, or exciting or even that great of a writer. I like to think of myself as Andy from the Office. In one episode he said, “Every success I’ve ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.”

You guys might not be bitter right now, but I will be relentless in my ability to slowly and painfully wear you down. It will take time, but that is something I have on my side. Every minute of every day, I’m thinking of ways to wear you all down. This won’t be a low rated blog forever, and thankfully it isn’t a TV show that will be canceled after a few episodes. Before you know it, I will be in all your feeds, all your websites, all your Google searches. You won’t be able to turn anywhere without seeing my bitter quotes.

On to the Bitter Friday Giftures.

This is definitely not…

…how I will be getting your attention.

I won’t be showing you…

…cute dog videos.

Making…

…cheesy jokes.

I won’t be making…

attention getting headlines to increase the ratings.

I won’t use catchy…

…movie quotes to sway your attention.

I definitely won’t…

…be doing any research on you.

I don’t have any…

…knowledge to hit you up with.

I will not be…

…working any harder to get more viewers.

I will be making more of those…

…bad life choices.

In fact…

…I’m pretty much failing you all.

And by doing so…

…I will just give you all large headaches.

So here is my…

…human decision for all of you.

I will just wear you all down…

…until you read my blog. 

One way or another, you will eventually all read this blog. It’s just a matter of time. I will wear you down until you can’t be worn down anymore. So, just get the pain over with and just start reading, subscribing, liking and commenting. And of course, subscribe to my YouTube Channel.

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Attention Grab Ben

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16 Comments on “Low Ratings Bitter Friday Giftures

  1. Well, I think it’s a shame you lost your old blog, but I am bitter enough to believe this one will be a hit. A big, bitter hit that’s also sticky, so people will have no clue about a) what exactly it was that hit them in the first place and b) not be able to leave.

    Muahaha! Bitter World Domination!

    I mean: go Ben! 0:)

    Like

    • I did. But the WordPresses found a way to steal my access to it. I used an old email from work that I don’t work at anymore and because they shut it down, I could get a forget password to get back in. I tried several ways, but just gave up and started this new blog. It’s gonna take me a long time to get that many again.

      Liked by 1 person

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