Hiking A Mountain

Big time star.

This one probably goes back a little while. I was what you would consider a marginal athlete. Once, back in the mid 80’s, I got the Presidential Fitness award. Most years, I passed every test with flying colors except the pull ups. I had pretty weak arms and never lifted weights, except when my track and field team required it. I played basketball and softball, and when I was in 3rd and 4th grade was considered one of the faster runners and one of the hardest to tackle players when I played football.

I had all the makings of an athlete, but what always stopped me from being elite was laziness. I almost always whined and complained about going to practice. I couldn’t stand all the work. I hated sweating and planning and plays. I thought that practicing plays was kind of counter intuitive. Why should we stifle our creativity so we can run the exact plays we are supposed to run. If we are constantly running the plays, how can the improvisational plays that a great athlete makes happen? And why do we practice 80 times longer than we actually play? So what if we get tired during the game? We get tired during practice all the time. There were no cheerleaders or girl crushes watching practice.

What I’m really trying to say is that I have always preferred laying on the couch to running, jumping, flying or even walking.

Not a fan of walking.

I’ve had people try to get me into hiking, especially since we live in an area that has a lot of mountain hikes available. They say it is good exercise, there is a lot of fresh air, and when you get to the top there are great views. I would argue that I can get all those things from my couch. I move around on the couch all the time. I have air conditioning. What air is more fresh than air conditioning? Great views? Have you seen my 4K TV? I have amazing views from all around the world, not just the one view from that mountain I just climbed. In fact, if you take a look at the view right below your feet on a hike, it’s just a lot of dirt and rocks, and animal feces. My 4K tv edits out all the stuff.

Besides, if I want a hike, I can do that in my house. Just the other day, I did a hike the likes of which I’m guessing most of you have probably never done.

My son is an almost 11 year old 162 pound freak of nature (see nature comes into this picture even). He is still a kid at heart (because he is almost 11) and he still wants me to do everything for him. Make him a sandwich, get him the remote, pick up his football gear, take off his shoes. Most days he still wants me to tuck him, which in itself is a job and a half, because he wants me to chase him up the stairs.

I’m usually out of breath by the time I’m up to stair 3, but he wants me to wrestle him when I get to the bed. By that time, I need a 40 minute nap before I go down the stairs.

The other day, he made me carry him on my back. Seriously? Up 15 stairs? I know professional hikers that couldn’t perform that task. I know they carry backpacks that are heavy, but not 160 pounds, I assure you that.

Much like this, but up stairs and with way less enthusiasm.

I promise you hiking is the worst. My shoulders, my back, and especially my knees were aching and sore after that hike. Never again.

What about you guys? What treacherous hikes have you had to make lately?

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Hiking a Mountain Ben

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2 Comments on “Hiking A Mountain

  1. Hiking is one activity I enjoy. It gets me away from bothersome people. There are no phones, no wives with lists of chores, nor anybody else pestering me. The trick is, you have to hike alone. Never accept an invitation to a hike, because then you’ll be hiking with people. The whole purpose of hiking is to get away from people.

    Like

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