I Almost Went Blind Bitterness

Why I don’t like sitting in the front row.

I always liked sitting in the back when I was a kid. Still do. I don’t know if it is easier to get away with things or fall asleep easier, or if the leg room is better there, but I’ve never been a front part of the class kind of guy. This is probably why I never did well in class. I also didn’t like to participate. If I am ever to learn anything, it is by osmosis. Actually, I probably never fully learned what osmosis meant either because somehow I thought I could learn that way.

Because I sat in the back all the time, I had to learn how to squint, because even though I thought I had perfect vision, I did not. It was never the worst either, but for years I didn’t wear glasses. I must have mentioned that I couldn’t see very well, or I got tired of not being trendy with the glasses, but I finally got them. I was never a fan of glasses, because they would pinch my eyebrows or give me headaches from wearing them too long. Also, somehow they seemed to get dirty all the time, and I would always have to wipe off all the fingerprints that someone else seemed to get on them.

Can’t do it.

I tried contacts for a hot minute, but those never really took. For some reason, I didn’t like sticking my fingers in my eyeballs, and my wife would spend 10 minutes every morning putting them in my eye. I tired of her telling me, “Open your eyes!” and “Stop blinking!” then I would wear them for certain amount of hours, and she would have to poke my eyeballs again. After a week of that, I was like, “I’ll wear glasses.”

Then I go this amazing opportunity to get lasik, and I took it. I was like if I can hold my eyes open for a few minutes and get that laser to fix me, I’m down. So I got them fixed, and now I have laser eyes. It’s super cool to hit people with it as a reminder not to mess with me. Unfortunately, I recently had an experience which almost took away all that hard work to get my laser vision.

I accidentally saw something in SD. You know, a standard definition program on TV. It was only for a brief millisecond, but I had to turn away before the Standard Definition channel did too much damage.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHH my EYYEESSS!

I don’t know what I would have done if I would have stared at that channel for more than a second. That could have ended my ability to watch TV for the rest of my life. All joy would have ceased. My purpose for living. My window to the world would have just been a dark, bleak, blurry storm of bitterness. I’m glad my wife was quick on her feet and changed the channel. That changed my life.

I’ve stared down the sun in an eclipse and stared down the horrors of pitch black, but I’ve never been as scared in my life as I was when looked at Standard Definition.

What about you? How was your experience looking at anything lower than HD?

ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Standard Def Ben

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5 Comments on “I Almost Went Blind Bitterness

  1. I too always chose to sit in the back of the classroom. It’s safer back there. That bitter stare of the teach just made me shiver and curl up in the fetal position. Then I would get walked over. This explains why I’m bitter. My eyes aren’t that good either

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  2. I’m sorry, I can’t answer right now. I’m still trying to get over the statement “I’m glad my wife was quick on her feet and changed the channel.” Was the remote broken? Did she actually have to … *gasp*… rise from the couch and do it manually? Oh! The horror!

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  3. Pingback: I Almost Went Blind Bitterness — Bitter Entertainment Network – Chat Top (100star) entertainment

  4. Chéri and I enjoy watching hockey whenever our team plays (a lot easier that way) and we are off from work. It happened a couple of times that for technical reasons, we had to watch a part of the game in SD, and quite frankly, I don’t know what fun people could find in doing that back in the days… How they could even spot the puck is beyond me… Which made me think back to when my grand father watched it on his black and white tv with all the noise in the image. *sigh* Thank God for HD!

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